- How influences a trauma a person and develops into for example PTSD, personality disorder. How does this disorder influence the
body working under capitalism.

- How generations that experienced war tend to not talk about their trauma and do influence next generations with the trauma.

- How we as 'new generation' are fixing trauma's of our (grand)parents. Also children of immigrants, refugees etc.

- How have our bodies adapt to the new urban enviroments.

MARTYNA

BODY AND TRAUMAS + ALIENATED BODIES UNDER CAPITALISM

CARLINDA BOOM & MARTYNA KOLODYNSKA

CARLINDA

Schaub, Danielle. "Topography of Trauma: Fissures, Disruptions and Transfigurations". Brill/Rodopi, 2019.

* War trauma VS. "fantasy world of happy America"

* Comparison of trauma to "black pit oil" and some of the physical sympoms that manifest itself

* Deconstruction of value system due to trauma and its physical and emotional injury inflicted on the body

* American veterans brining new rhetoric of dissent back home, exposing the hollowness of the deep-rooted mainstream American rhetoric

source: https://byrnecr.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/11/

source: https://justseeds.org/product/war-is-trauma-5/
This image was created for the November 2010 “Operation Exposure: War is Trauma” collaboration between Justseeds and Iraq Veterans Against the War. The project involved Justseeds artists creating images for the IVAW campaign “Operation Recovery” to stop the redeployment of traumatized soldiers. Justseeds and IVAW staged three exhibitions in Chicago in November and December of 2010. We did a wheatpaste action in Chicago, and provided prints to IVAW for future shows, including shows in GI resistance coffee houses. More information about the project:
I.V.A.W.

source: https://sftokileen.wordpress.com/about/

My notes from
Uzma, Rivzi. "Decolonization as Care". n.d.

SIBIRIA TRAUMA - GRANDFATHER

My grandfather was deported by Russians to Sibiria when he was around 6, along with his 10 siblings and his parents. They have stayed there for 5 years and this experience defined most of his childhood. Unfortunately 3 of his siblings died of either malnutirion or cold and his father died in prison (probably because of tortures as he denied to aquire a Soviet citizenship).
The thing that reminds him about his trauma everyday is a scar that he has on his forehead from when he was cutting down a tree and got hit by it.

* EXTEREME COLD ( of around -50celcius) - nowadays my grandpa is afraid of being cold so he always wears a warm sweater even if it is warm in summer. Some of his toes were frostbit because he did not have appropriate shoes and now they are numb.

* MALNUTRITION - each family was only given a specific ration of food (mostly dried bread) and the bigger families would have share the rations between them. The only thing that saved my grandfather's family from starvation in the beginning, was the fact that my grandpa's mother took some warm duvets and blankets with her from home (Poland) and managed to exchange those with Russians for some more food.

* HOARDING FOOD AND OVEREATING - as there was no food available, he is always scared to run out of supplies

*STOMACH ISSUES - the doctor has diagnosed his with a lot of stomach issues that he linked to the malnutrition that he experienced during childhood

*ALWAYS WHISPERING - he is scared that someone is always listening and waiting to get information from him. The Russians were enouraging Poles to spy and report on one another.

*NO TRUST

Source: Boguslaw Borys, “Traumatic Situations and Their Influence on the Psychological Condtion of Human Being”, Department of psychiatry and clinical psychology department of the medical academy in Gdansk.

Withuis, Jolande. The Politics of War Trauma: the Aftermath of World War II in Eleven European Countries. Aksant, 2010.

* My grandad said that for a long time he could not talk to anyone about his experience and he was often stigimitized by people when they would find out about his family being deported to Sibiria

* the fact of post-war trauma was only recognised and accepted in the 1990's. Aroccording to research it was proven that the passage of time actually reinforces memories rather than weakening them and trauma can grow over time.

Adi Liraz, EXDRESS: BODY, TRAUMA, EXCLUSION AND INCLUSION, Curated by: Sanija Kulenovic and Adi Liraz, May 2015 at the Meinblau Projektraum as part of the annually Month of Performance Art Berlin, the Anthology http://adi-liraz.squarespace.com/exdress-body-trauma-exclusion-inclusion

"Displaced from their homelands because of war, Sanija Kulenovic and Adi Liraz - respectively of Muslim and Jewish heritage - have been commemorating and exploring their intimate and collective memories, and the regenerative power of shaping new personal histories, through a series of public interventions. These feature two dresses which are interwoven, exchanged and dissolved, interconnecting and bounding also with their surrounding and the viewers/participants, thus creating web-like structures that give life to new narratives."

YOGA AS A FORM OF THERAPY IN TRAUMA

source:http://sharonsheppard.com/physical-health/trauma-and-the-body/

source: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/mapping-how-emotions-manifest-in-the-body/282713/

WHERE DO EMOTIONS MANIFEST IN OUR BODIES?

My podcast
Marchi, de, Cristiana. "Mindful Body. An Introduction to Body Art and Performance in the Gulf." 14 April 2016

Notes from lecture Golnar, Rosa "body and mapping"18th May 2020

Notes from lecture Javier "Untangling Biometrics and other Systems of Control" 19th May 2020

Sketch from my family structure
Important events that I want to point out

1. I am from a working class family and relate most to Dutch farmers' traditions. I am white.

2. One of my grandparents is from a very strict Christian family but broke with their way of living. He was seen as 'a sinner' and a black sheep.

3. My mom was a middle child and felt unseen due to her brother and sister being more successful (in looks, education and work) and praised.

4. My parents divorced when I was at the age of 5. My mom remarried when I was at the age of 10.

5. I moved houses a lot and my family structure also changed a lot. I did not have a consistent and trusted environment whilst growing up.

6. I started living with my dad and his new girlfriend when I was 12.

7. My mom got sick when I was 10 and died 13 years later, when I was 21. Her sickness never got a clear diagnoses.

8. In 2019/2020 I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. My brother got diagnosed with PTSD.

9. From my dad's side, hard work and noble labor are praised.
Work hard and show by your dirty hands.

10. From my mom's side, hard work and succes are praised.
Work hard and show by your good clothes.

Because of how trauma manifests in my body I struggle sometimes. My body and mind conflicts with the status quo that stems from capitalistic society

1. Need for a lot of sleep. At least 9/10 hours a night on good days. When in an depressed/anxious episode I can sleep up to 14 hours undisturbed. Noticed in the body by yawning, heavy muscles, slow movements, lying down.

2. Episodes of extreme fatigue, sleepiness alternate days of energy, need for movement and sports. Noticed by taking on activities as horse riding, biking, running, dancing, going out, chatting non stop.

3. Feelings of restlessness, anxiety. Noticed in the body by stiff, painful neck and shoulders. Mostly right shoulder with also tingling feeling.

4. Empty feeling. Not feeling 'whole' and looking for reassurance in external things (romantic partners, grades etc).

5. Extreme fear for abandonment in romantic partners which leads to toxic relationships and extreme anxiety. When emotional abandonment feelings occur: heavy pain in the chest, stomach and head area. Pressure on throat, nauseous, constipation.

6. Panic attacks, crying fits. Irrational thinking. Self destructive behavior and thoughts. Disturbed breathing.

Some (negative) core beliefs stem from my childhood and I see a repeating pattern in my romantic relationships that correlates to the relationship I had with my parents. Some things Martyna and I both experienced are

'Nobody is there to save me'
'Nobody is going to choose me'
'I am not enough'
'I must work harder to be worthy'

Which leads to both of us serve our romantic partner either by trying to 'save' the other or trying to submit to the other.

We hold on to those who cannot love us for so many reasons.

Sometimes, we hold on because we convince ourselves that the circumstance will change — that if we love harder, if we give more, if we stay, the situation will evolve. The value of our love will be recognized, it will be chosen.

Sometimes, we hold on because we feel like we have to. We feel like we have to be the ones to fix, the ones to mend, the ones to prove that human beings don’t give up on a person they see something beautiful within. Sometimes, we hold on because we feel guilty, because we think that walking away, and choosing ourselves, is us discarding someone we care about, is us abandoning their heart.

And sometimes, we hold on because we think that we will never find the kind of person who proves to us that love is not something that is meant to hurt. Sometimes, we hold on because we lose our belief in the fact that love has the potential to be soft, that there is more to life than what we are settling for.

Sometimes, we hold on because we would rather sleep beside someone who makes us feel lonely, than be alone. Sometimes, we hold on because it is easier to fill our voids with another human being, even when they cannot value us, because we are still learning how to value ourselves.

We hold on to those who cannot love us for so many reasons. And it is okay. Letting go is one of the hardest things you will have to do. But at the end of the day, keeping someone in your life who makes you feel like you are too much, who asks for you to quiet your soul — that is the greatest injustice you will ever impart on your heart. That is doing yourself a deep disservice, because you deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel seen. You deserve to be surrounded by people who nourish you and challenge you and dizzy you in the best ways. It is important to learn how to stop romanticizing the things in your life that hurt. It is important to walk away, even when it is hard, even when you do not want to face the loss, because it is within that hardship that you will learn how to choose your own heart. That you will learn how to stand up for it.

One of my favorite writers, put this very well into words

Bianca Sparacino

Capitalism = submission. I have to compete, produce and prove.

Trauma is stored in my body.

My body is submitted to capitalism. With this body, that has a trauma stored, I have to compete, produce and prove to be worthy.

This leads to a daily struggle between the traumatized body and the alienated body under capitalism.

Self-reported body maps showing areas where subjects felt sensations increased (warm colors) or decreased (cool colors) for a given emotion. (Proceedings of the National Academies of Sciences)

source: https://www.researchgate.net/
publication/273063471_Sexual_
Issues_in_
Treating_Trauma_Survivors

MAPS

PROCESS

--> CREATING A "BODY OF TRAUMA", USING OUR OWN EXPERIENCES, EXPRESSED TRHOURGH ABSTRACT PAINTINGS AND SHAPE MANIPULATION
--> COMIBINING ANALOG AND DIGITAL MEDIA
--> CREATING A WALK-THROUGH OUR BODY OF TRAUMA/MAPPING IT
--> APPLYING OUR RESEARCH TO THE LEGEND OF THE BODY MAP

- HEAD -

- THROAT -

- HEART -

- STOMACH -

- OVERVIEW -